|LOST and BROKEN diary pages|

Hi guys! I havent updated in ages. Anyway, got a new LJ:

http://kitty-purry7.livejournal.com/

Hey guys, I'm changing LJ for some reasons ^^;
Nothing is up yet, but please watch me, if you want..


angelic_gamer

nya ^^ it's meeeee...kimi-chan again! just wanted to change moni's layout >:3 she's covered by hearts! nya!

love joo my baby moni ^_^ *hugs*

Hello hello this is me, Kimi-chan, I have taken over moni's LJ yay! I wanted to sorta give MY point of view in how I fell inlove with monica and all. here it goes <3

Well I remember in 2005-2006 me and monica has spent time together non-stop, we began to be close when we started a rp, Tormented Love, we would chat for idea's, to RP ,and to just play around, I loved the company, and I loved every moment I had talking with her it was fun, slowly as we began to talk I grew attached  to her and had said that she was trully a good friend I considered her as a best friend at that time, we pmed eachother, talked on msn for hours, sent friendship pics via pm. it was very nice, then once day monica and me had spent chatting a whole long time, it was already 9 o clock for me! and I knew that it was like 3 in the morning for her, I was shocked, since we were friends, I wouldnt expect a friend to stay so long with me. we RPed all night and I was happy that she cared to stay so long, the day after I began to think alot in that nice thing she did and I couldnt stop thinking of it, she would never leave my mind, even when I liked her as a friend only she was always there "I wonder if she posted in Bcl" "I wonder if she's waiting for me" I wonder if she miss me" I always thought, I began to care for her so much and I soon came to realize I had a crush on her.

for me it was horrible to have those feelings, knowing how people in PR are, they might take me wrong or my family would hate me, so I tried ignoring the crush since it was a simple harmless crush, but as months passed I began to fall more and more. I couldnt take it and I eventually told aku about my crush for her. I was confused so the person I ran to is always aku, since we know eachother's problems well. he tried his best in telling me to take it calm that it could be a phase, I agreed maybe it was only a phase, but things for me began to get much harder since she would say how she loved me as friend and needed me as a friend. I would tell her the same, I knew I made a important role in moni's life and I began to grow more scared to tell her, I didnt want to lose such a friendship, I didnt want her to lose a friend she cared so much. so I began to stay quiet about my feelings, but I would do complain always to aku, I mean always! then later, my feelings were very strong, I had trully fallen inlove when I noticed how much she worried for me and cared, she was always the type of person I searched for in a guy. I had fallen inlove with her, and sadly I didnt told her earlier, at one point I began to play more xbox, do things to not be on as much maybe to not think much of her, in xbox, I had talked with a longtime friend I had and quickly we became close also, so I was happy that finally I could block away all my feelings, so I thought. the guy obviously liked me, I liked him..yeah, he was Ok, I fooled myself into saying I liked him to, I even would tell aku, how I felt for the guy, but it was obvious how I only acted as if I did, at some point I did grew to care for him, and I broke down in school to my friends by how I was confused. I told my close friend pat that I was having love issues, I didnt mention monica ofcourse, she cheered me on tried to make me happy with the whole guy thing. but soon, I began to miss monica, and my love for her was always there, I started to feel bad on how I was being less talkative to her, and I made the decision of giving up what I had with the guy,

but before that I told moni about my feelings , yeah the biggest fear of my life, I was risking my friendship over this.I had told myself I would leave bcl and stay with the xbox guy, (Yes I didnt have much feelings for him but I didnt want to think of moni if she said no, yes call me cold) I knew I wasnt going to be happy with the guy on xbox, since he was a perv, had no life, and mainly interested his life on games. but I knew no other guy would love me, so I gave the big step and told moni, my heart was still and when she said it was alright I began to panic I knew she wasnt going to stop being my friend, but I felt like she rejected my feelings I was scared, sad, and confused I began to cry very much and aku had to be added to the convo to calm things down and fix things, later moni also had feelings for me to. I was shocked also, that she would like me, I was slapped with happiness and I felt much relieved, though I was still shy and stupid abotu a relationship with a girl so we tried 2 weeks in being together, I wasnt sure to accept it, but I did. and I consider that the best thing I've done. I later that day pmed the xbox loser that I dont want anything with him,(even thought we didnt have anything in the first place we mainly flirted since I didnt want to jump in a relationship with him) he didnt care and gladly replied back everything was perrfect, no more secrets from moni, no more loser from xbox.

I had broken down that week cuz I tried telling a friend of mind about moni and I, things didnt came out well so I trully only have aku and you guys from LJ to express myself about our relationship. but I accepted in being with monica either way and now that I think through the months, it was the best decision I made in telling moni, and ignoring what my family wants. (even if they dont know, but WILL know eventually) because I know and feel she is the love of my life, and I dont want anybody else unless it's her. I love you monica, and I want to continue being with you until the end ^_^ Your my everything and my happiness thankyou for bringing light into my life! you trully mean the world to me, and I know I will not find anybody as great and special as you ^_^;..trully..remember our goal?

A Un-friended post! Many says I need to like my works more (eventhough I don't..) so here is some things. Just mixes of some things I have made. Nothing big!


( My works..! )

(I won't be able to get online tomorrow I think, soo...)

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE! ^_^ <3 
With love,
Rei-Chan ^_^v

Credit for the banner to nekobee♥

This is now a Friends-Only Journal!

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I have deleted ALL my posts now,
and I'm starting over, so this isn't a new account,
if you though that.